I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I've had time to do that, thanks to my dumb virus. I ended up heading home on Sunday to homemade soup, John Wayne movies, and some TLC. I had three days to think, fast, pray, journal, and talk to my folks about my future. (Now, don't think that I'm a saint. I still ate, I just had a certain kind of diet I stuck too.)
Monday morning, my mom headed out to water aerobics, and I hit the couch with my Bible, journal, and a 3 page letter my Mom wrote. Her letter included some notes from her Bible Study on how to discern God's will for your life and her thoughts on my idea of heading to Peru.
Going to Peru. What a life-changing, character-building, language-learning, Jesus-sharing adventure! I made the list of pros and cons. I talked to friends who had been SMs. It looked good. Man, I would be coming back such a better person.
I felt like I was always running with the positives. The big ideas. The big changes. The big adventure.
But the question remained in my heart: Is this for me, though? I asked God for peace and passion. No fleece. No stars aligning. Just peace and passion. This has been my prayer for weeks.
Too make a long story short, my time with God answered that question. He brought me to the conclusion through my time, the lists, the journaling, the prayer, the letter, and even the tears. Peru is not where God wants me next year. As soon as I came to that realization--peace--came.
Do I know what I'm doing next year? No. But do I need to know what I'm doing next year, right now? No. God has given me enough light to walk in today. And that's all I need.
~"We cannot depend for counsel upon humanity. The Lord will teach us our duty just as willingly as He will teach somebody else. If we come to Him in faith, He will speak His mysteries to us personally." Desire of Ages, p. 668
~"Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path." Psalms 119:105
Ah, resolution. Almost always feels good. Peaceful, even. It's nice to make decisions. Now you're just stuck with the next one...
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't realize that you were making such a huge decision. I'm glad you feel peace about what you are going to do
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've been given peace. Next up: passion! In the meantime, enough light for today... That's good.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're having tons of fun on your road trip! I wish I could be part of the memories. Someday..
I'm coming the 12th and get to stay until the 17th! Can't wait to be back with the family :)
Hey woman,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I found your blog. It's good to know what you are up to. And yes I think you are a saint even if you eat during a fast.
well, somehow i missed this one. i like the quote at the end from DA. stellar. you're a trooper for making sure your were positive about going or not.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you've come to some final decisions by now, and maybe you won't see this...but just thought I'd share this quote from one of my favorite books for times of figuring out what to do and waiting:
ReplyDelete"We ought to make up our minds to this, that nothing was ever so sure as that waiting on God will bring us untold and unexpected blessing." p. 40, "Waiting on God"